Removing the Mask

Ello. This is probably going to be the last blog post I write so I might as well tell you all that my name is Kody. I'm sure that most of you had that figured out a while ago but now is the time to take off the mask as it is put in this case. Were also supposed to write about our true selves. Well I don't really know who I truly am and don't think that any one in our position really would. High School is a different experience for everybody and we all get different things from it.  Some people I know are going to be very successful from the skills they learned both in and out of the classroom. Others I just wanna go over and say yeah your doomed... Not only did you not do your classwork but you failed in so many other ways that you won't even begin to comprehend for another 10 years. Me is a good student, Myself is an OK student, and I is a bad student. Meaning that i'm one of the people in the middle.  Don't like the gray areas in life. But then again don't know what we would do without them. Some things have to be yes or no. Others can't be that way no matter what we want.  Then you decide you don't like that but your still stuck in the life you were given. Or was it the one you made for yourself?  Was it decided long ago by a person with a sense of humor "Haha this poor fool is going to go this way and do this but he will never know why. And lets make him like to sing so he gets made fun of. And make it so he has no social skills.  Ha this poor child won't know what hit him". Or was it when you got bored and walked that way but didn't know why? Maybe you decided for yourself that you like to sing so who cares what they think. And maybe you have no social skill because you liked to read as a young child. Or maybe that's what they want you to think. Like I said gray area. Of course there is always the people that don't ever think about this stuff and are just trying to get through life with a life that doesn't totally suck.  When was the last time you just sat and thought? Gazed up at the stars at 2 in the morning and just wondered. "I wonder this, I wonder that and I wonder why." Maybe you think you don't have the time to just sit there. Make time. This is one of the most important things in life.  Using your brain for more than just watching TV or listening to your iPod or your incessant friends that you don't really like anyway but you can't tell them to be quite cuz that is rude... I challenge anyone who reads these rambling thoughts of mine to just go out side and sit with no distractions for just 5 min.  Not hard and I try to do at least  15 min. a day 5 days a week.  People call me crazy but I have decided I don't care.

Random thought of a random person on: Shyness

 You know when you finally decide to not think about what you are going to say because no one else does so why should you? And then you run into the girl you like and she asks you a question and having decided that you're not going to think about what your going to say you then think about whether to think about it or not by and by the time you decide your not going to do that around the girl you like she sighs and walks away. you think "what is the big deal" then realize that she had just asked if you would kindly lend her your pencil...  stuff like that all ways happens.  This example was just an example. But after things like this happens you don't want to talk to anybody. A severe case of this happened to me right as I moved... That's why I never talk in class or to the random people that say "Ohhimynameissoandsowhat'syours?"  I never talk to those people.  My parents have yelled at me for years about not talking to people about how I feel. Of course in all their yelling they never stop long enough for me to say "but...I " and when they absolutely have to breath they yell longer and louder for interrupting them and how it's rude and no one in modern society would talk to a person like that blah blah blah over and over.  You know all the old people that go "Now sonny -  when I was your age we had to walk to school 15 miles in the snow barefoot up hill both ways". My life was full of all too many of those sayings. The yelling sessions had at least one of those in them.  These saying gain a whole new meaning when yelled in a car while going down the freeway at 75 miles an hour.  It goes from "look at me I'm a cute grandparent"  to "You'll never amount to anything so don't even try.  Oh by the way I think we might be related..."  Not that it has been given by a grandparent but that's the attitude if you get what I mean. If not then "Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave"(name that movie).  My point for this post is just to say that some of us people aren't very out going.  I went on a couple of tangents this time huh?

History and music

What I really love is music.  There is some thing good about all of it or there was at one point in time.  I've spent an hour listening to baroque then the next hour of punk acid as my Dad calls it.  I've been able to read music since I was 10 and I've been singing long before I can remember.  Not where other people can hear of course and never very loud I've always been way to self-conscious about every thing related to whenever I open my mouth.  I know the second I think I don't have to be careful about what I say or do I'm gonna mess up. But you can read about that rant on the other one I'm going to post this week.  Back to music.  At the beginning of the school year I was in a music appreciation class.  Ha... That's what they called it. The guy sat there reading from a text book half the time. The other half he spent playing random instruments and saying "now this is a quarter note..." Ugh. The guy had just graduated from Byu and thought he was the most hilarious thing ever put on this earth. Um no. That could go on another rant but I'm gonna stop it there and save that story for another time. The point I was getting at with the story was I could have listened to an hour of a radio talk show about the history of music and learned about as much if not more. What passes for education these days seriously... "sigh" well at least in music. Some of the types of music that I listen to on a daily basis are Renaissance, Classical, Baroque, Romantic, Rock, Hard Rock, Country, Pop, Opera, Musicals, Hardcore, Metal, Scremo, A capella, Jazz, Instrumental, Soul, Indie, Techno, Church. The list of musical genres goes on forever spanning thousands of years of extremely diverse cultures. Then those have all their sub groups and variations of each person that does it. If you'll notice I didn't put Rap up there. In my opinion they just dropped a "C" some where... If any one wants to educate this poor soul you're welcome to try. I fell the quotes below goes for all music.

Dreams

I'm supposed to write about dreams... dreams for the subconscious not your aspirations in life. I don't remember dreams that I have. I know that technically everybody dreams mine just don't want to peep out of my subconscious and say hi.  Is it really that hard to say "Ello i'm your dream and this is what i have to say on what you were thinking about at 4 in the morning before you went zzzzonk."  Some times that's all dreams are. Other times they are so much more than that. Least so i've been told.

The only dream I remember distinctly is me on a pirate ship type thing surrounded by random people staring at me and some old guy saying "very well. we shall go towards the sun." He turns the ship to to the sun and I see the ship go into the sun but apparently i'm not on the ship because I still sit there after they're gone/ Some times for a second or two other times it seems like an eternity. some times its like a falling dream. Nothing moves however. I just have the feeling of falling which I think is more disorienting.  This dream and variations of it are most of the ones I remember.  One of my earliest memories is waking up after having a nightmare version of this and not being able to get into my parents room but just sitting outside they're door for hours before giving up and going back to my room.  Didn't sleep for another 2 nights and only then because I collapsed from exhaustion.  I don't know how accurate this is or how old I was or specific details and i'm pretty sure my parents don't even know about this experience. I don't have very many memories before 12 and the ones I do tell me i'm very lucky that I don't.